The Hyoid Bone and Other Related Topics

9:31am: Some purdy picsures
If anyone would like to see pictures from my wedding, they are up at andrewandcolette.com.
It was almost a week ago, and I feel no different.
Except that I have some fun new toys.
And when I tell Andrew that I knew he was weird when I married him, it is actually the case.
I was a little sad there weren't any better ones of my tattoo, but that can come later.
Today is my birthday, I am going to play with my cat, eat soup and go to a gallery showing with and by some friends. Somehow I feel like  I am getting out more since getting married. The wedding was kind of an excuse to reconnect with a bunch of people I really love.
Thank you guys for coming, and for those who missed it, we have pictures now. Give me a call or send me a message when you have a chance.

8:24pm: On: Forever
I'm sitting here with a four month old kitten in one arm and my hand slowly and carefully picking out each letter, trying not to bounce him all over the place. He's purring enough to rattle my chest straight through so I don't know if my heart's about to explode or if he's just really grateful that I am being so careful with my typing.
He dug his nails in. Typing slower.
This is Patrick, Colette's one step closer to being a crazy cat lady, and one step away from anti anxiety medication.
Monday is the 25th of August, and to say that I have been working my ass off for this day for a while is an understatement. On Monday I will get a chance to have that realization you never, ever want to have. I am going to wish to Hell and back again that I had my life to live over. If I had gone to a different high school maybe I could have gotten started earlier, maybe I could have gotten the preparation I so desperately needed to pursue the goal I have had for my life since I was self aware enough to realize I might just live through kindergarten.
The obvious arguments I have been over, a different past would create a very different present. I might have moved to some amazing town and gotten an incredible degree, but never gotten past my social and personal phobias (which I will admit is only a half-way success, but you get the point) I never would have met the amazing people I have, had the amazing experiences, or learned the completely random but completely fulfilling information I have picked up along the way. I very likely would not be sitting here, with a kitten in my arms and an amazing boy (with whom I just put a down payment on a location for our wedding...
*ahem*
January 3rd, 2008,
I will give more details to those who wish it.
If I haven't spoken to you directly about it, I have probably thought about it,
and then, well, let me continue.
*ahem*)
So as of right now, there is no other way I would like my life to be, it is for all intents and purposes, incredibly wonderful. I can afford school, despite the fact that I am getting no help from the government due to my age-disability, and I really truly, honestly think I'm smart enough. I have people who believe in me, a customer from work promising me old Scotch and cigars if I can get through my first week of Gen Chem. I have a lab coat, which believe me, is the most tangible proof to me right now that this is real, and I have a back up plan. Though if all goes right, I should be double major Physical Anthropology and Molecular, Cellular and Developmental Biology with honors in about two years. You know, then more school, but I'll cross that bridge when we get there.
And on Monday, I will know where I stand. Full time school with two labs, and full time work as coffee and tea specialist at Peet's. My sanity is on the line.
In other words, I am sorry I have been out of the loop, there is more here than even I understand, I hope you can forgive me, and I will try so hard to give you a call soon, I promise.
P.S. Van, I still have your key. It is very safe. I am really sorry.

This was me checking in, see you on the wires.

8:24pm: I'm sitting here

5:17pm: Life, and etc.
Those of you who know me well, will know that this has been a particularly trying couple of months for me.
I am trying to get back to school to get my medical degree. College is freaking expensive.
I have a wonderful job... which is turning slowly into the same job I have had over and over for years.The same pay as everyone else, with more work because I do it.
My grandmother is really sick, but my whole family hates her because she is a racist, spoiled old woman who just doesn't know any better. I don't want her to die.
A friend of mine went into the hospital, and then moved back to Portland, I currently have all her Earthly possessions in my closet, and she won't answer the phone.
I am tired.
Stressed.
On a diet to prevent panic attacks which is not helping.
I have Awesome insurance.
Gonna get a prescription for a massage.

Oh. And Andrew put a ring on my finger the other day. 3 years together and he knows me pretty well. 12 cruelty free environmentally sound sapphires in a row embedded in recycled white gold and on which he paid a carbon offset tax. So with that, disregard the whole first paragraph. Looks like I'm getting married too.
There are parts of me that don't know how to feel.
At least I know I love him, and I'd be with him forever no matter what.
Now. How to put together an atheist wedding. I have... ideas.

4:54pm: Introducing... a stab at being "girl"
So I am adoring the nerd life. It feels... comfy. Like I have been looking for a lifestyle/personality/hobby and I finally found it. At 21. But better now than never. It was pretty awesome, until I met Jordan and she introduced me to part two of getting "me" right. The unattended girly part.
I have never felt so complete.
Observe:
This was me at the vatican... 3 months ago. I hated getting my picture taken. I think I was saying: Why are you always doing that? We are surrounded by actually pretty things. I dressed unflatteringly and I didn't exactly try to improve my self esteem or really anything about me. Then I started working at Peet's. Two months of an incredibly supportive and complimentary environment, as well as two fantastic girls who have literally changed my life and we get this:
Jordan did my make up after work today just for fun. I also bought an incredibly flattering pair of pants oh! And I have Xeni Jardin hair! If you don't know who she is, that is very sad. She is the Marilyn Monroe of tech! Google her name and you will see she writes for one of my favorite blogs called boingboing.net and she does a show on NPR. So see? I haven't girled out completely, I am true to my tech loves, but now I look 95% hotter doing it! (The make up is not a permanent thing, by the way, I honestly don't have the patience, but it was hella fun!)
So in conclusion, I feel awesome, Andrew is working for a gaming company called Net Devil (!) and he is working on the LEGO MMO, being sent around the world on projects, getting free toys to bring home, and also the most attractive wonderful man I have ever met. We have a fantastic apartment, I am about to beat Mario Galaxy (the first ending) and I am half way through Metroid Prime three which has the main problem of having incredible music so that I want to just hang out on certain levels and go to sleep to the background. (This happened many times in the Phenadra Drifts in 2) Good thing I found Cicada.
Ha! It's still kind of hard to believe this is me.

10:33am: Well, Here I Am
It's almost a home, where I am right now. I have just about everything I could possibly need.
We are only missing chairs and a couch and table.
We also have a beautiful painting a friend of ours made us which needs framing.
The speakers are set up, we have a comfy bed, a shower curtain, wine glasses, a "housewarming/Naturally Occurring Found Cake" which is one of those ridiculous jokes that only our friend Jon could have invented.
I have a wonderful boyfriend, who comes home everyday and makes me dinner if I'm not home, and visits me at work and always seems excited and full of joy, which I need because a lot has happened all of a sudden.
The Wii awaits a television, and Mario Galaxy calls to me, but until then at least I have Half Life Episode 2 to play with, as well as Portal

which was amazing.
The cake. is a lie. And I am fully aware that only James would understand this.

But this is who I am now.
I have a wonderful job, where I am learning all the ins and out of coffee and tea, I have full benefits and an Eco Pass, I get tips, and a decent wage, I feel loved by regulars who have already put in compliments to my boss, who is the nicest guy you'll ever meet. I work like crazy, but that's okay for now because it's fun, and I am learning which feels really good. I feel appreciated. This is the first job I have had in a very long time where I have been able to feel like that. It is extremely important to feel appreciated, even if you're a college drop out... again, and working as a barista monkey at Peet's Coffee and Tea in Boulder. Which is okay too, because I have decided on a solid path finally.

In the Fall, once I have established a decent cushion, I am returning to school, a little older, and a great deal wiser, and this time, I am going to Pre-Med. I have fought it for a long time, but this is what I want to do with my life. I want to be a doctor, a biologist, a researcher, I want to help people and I think bodies are so cool I can't stand it. I have been brushing up on my anatomy, and I am this close to being over my phobia. I am working on my ability to do math and I am working on Chemistry. I got a couple of text books from the library, and I am reading, my hope is to be ready to try the MCAT the first time at the end of my first year. See where I am. I want to succeed at this so much, I can't think of anything I have cared so much about in my life.
I have finally gotten to a point where I think this is feasible. I have supportive and excellent friends here, a wonderful boy to encourage me throughout every questioning of my ability, a beautiful apartment, a fantastic job, a wonderful town and a mental conviction and peace that I haven't experienced in an extremely long time. If ever. I am not afraid of this, I am excited.
And I reeeeaaaaally want to play Mario Galaxy. But today, I have to get things done, and tomorrow it's back to work.
I'll catch you kids later, and at some point there will be a housewarming party.
Though we'll need a couch first, or at least some chairs.

4:16pm: Oh right, Updating
Soooo... I still exist, for serious, it's just been a little crazy.  
Samantha, did you get my post card? There are more. Just.... not in the mail.... because French post-o-mats are scary places.
So out here, we've been all over, we were in Berlin where we stayed in a creepy old hospital and saw the most wondrous zoo.
We went to Austria where we got lost a million times in overgrown foresty places and then wound up in an old fashioned farmer's market with old fashioned bee sceps and the tastiest fruits and honeys to try.
We went to Rome, which sucked. Crowded. People. Excellent hostel, it was an apartment the someone just stuck extra beds into, and the hostel workers were the sweetest people EVER. I think we would have fully given up on Italy as a whole if it weren't for Tomo making a giant lasagna for Andrew's birthday and shouting "Domo origato!" Every five minutes and bowing.
Then we went to Interlaken (We debated Switzerland because they are not on the Euro, but it wound up being one of the cheapest places we went) We hiked on mountains which are the more attractive, smarter older brother of the Rockies, who are behemoth mouth breathers by comparison. I am terrible, but it is true. Also: cows. Everywhere, cows. It was enough to make us shout: too much cowbell! From great heights. (Meme, sorry)
Also, Andrew and I celebrated our two year anniversary in the alps, and toasted with our water bottles filled from a fresh water stream. 
Then it was... Paris. Saw the usual, wandered about, had a private room in a very classical part of Montmarte, we made Curry. Divine.
Now we're in Nice, and I have a bad habit of exploding electronics upon entering a room. The guy here at the St. Exupery (We stayed here last time while it was being put together, there are 4 walls in every room now) bought us a bottle of wine and we made a huge batch of curry for everyone, it has become our trademark for this trip. My credit card was put on hold, the phones stopped working and the computers all died at once when we got here, but we spent a day on the beach (fabulous) and then came back and everything is better. I even won a bet with a woman who works here, and now she's doing our laundry. I love this place, tomorrow we're putting on a Halloween Party, and then Andrew and I are off to Utrecht to get a little more of the Netherlands out of our systems.
We have found particular affinity to the Germanic regions, cleaner, better organized, so Utrecht, Amsterdam (To see Oliver, my favorite hostel cat) Brussels, Eurostar to London, Macbeth with Patrick Stewart, down to Swansea to see our Mike again, then home on the 12th, though don't expect me to be sentient until the 15th or so. We have to catch up on our shows for one, and sleep, because we are afraid we've forgotten how to.
It has been a fantastic trip in spite and maybe a little because of the disasters. I am madly in love with my travelling companion, and rather in love with Europe, but I am ready to come home, decompress, and find a place to be mine for a little while, I have had a little too much time in other peoples' spaces. We have decided about where we want to be next time, and after I finish school (Which is feeling more and more like Med school to me) we are thinking on finding a place that's our out here, but first somewhere where we KNOW we speak the language and a little more proximal security.
So, I am off to work on my costume, and get ready for dinner tonight, a stew of some sort I think.
Until next we meet,
Ciao kids.

8:28pm: A Couple of Hoopty Froods

10:20am: Entry the First
I cannot stress enough the strangeness of wearing someone else's underwear, let alone their clothes. It would be less strange I suppose were it not someone I met somewhere around 1 am this morning in the dorms at Swansea, Wales University.
SO to catch up real quick-like because I am using my friend Mike's computer, and he is awesome, and his friends here are awesome, but I am afraid that everything I touch lately turns to dust...
Beginning ten minutes after Nate called, when everything was still swimming, and the only care I had in the world was whether to go directly to Wales or stay in London a few days, there came a booming voice over the P.A. Our flight to Minneapolis had been delayed. But that was okay, it was just an hour and we had twice that to make the next flight. An hour later, another hour's delay. They announced that if we had a connecting flight, we had to run like hell to the desk and try to arrange new plans. We ran. The line was already longer than an hour's wait. Andrew got on the phone and called an 800 number on our tickets. They had no help to give all other flights out were either later, to another city and also full.
So it was time to wait and hope we could figure it out in Minneapolis. In the space of the next few hours: The plane was fixed early, we got on being told we would make our next flight, then the pilot told us he set his watch wrong... sorry, so we ran full tilt at what we thought was our flight to Gatwick only to be rerouted across the terminal and find, relieved, that they had not left without us.
As we sat down and the plane started up, i off handedly quipped: Wow, they sure got our luggage on fast.
No they didn't.
Near as they could tell us at Gatwick, our backpacks were maybe in Amsterdam if out of the U.S. at all. I didn't cry. I held Andrew's hand and wished I had packed some face wash and toothpaste in my carry-on. Fucking liquids ban. The next two days were spent wandering around London, crashing at a Hostel, trying to call the luggage people every 5 minutes, and seeing the sights in a half delusional hazy consciousness. I shoud mention that here in London, they don't like you to hold, if it has been 2 minutes, a pleasant voice comes on and asks you to hang up and try again later, they are terribly sorry. So it's pretty much impossible to get ahold of anyone. We probably walked 10 miles in the past few days, Andrew doesn't have a coat and it has been rainy and cold every day, but we were kind of lost and scared and couldn't stay still.
Honestly, if Andrew hadn't been here I might have given up. Everyone in London treated us like it was our fault that we lost our stuff because we took NWA. So we gave them Mike's address here in Wales and caught a 22 pound train out here yesterday arriving at midnight. I got a shower finally, some warm food in me and I am wearing another girl's clothes until mine dry which it seems will be never with all this moisture. I'm tired and dizzy, but thanks to this sickening optimism I can't seem to kill in Andrew and which encourages the same in me, I am actually having a really good time. I am more in love with Andrew with every second, and more self confident the more I realize how little I need to depend on stuff. We'll likely be here a few days waiting for our stuff which is, according to the website, being delivered here today which means maybe tomorrow. But it also says "woven backpack/rucksack taupe/oxblood" which we are pretty sure means they filled our stuff with oxblood and I will never see Wally-bee again which is a very hard realization to come to.
I need to sleep a bit, then we're going to the pub for lunch. I know I could use a Guinness.
-Colette

9:26am: Tomorrow will be for Insanity
At 2:15 pm tomorrow, I will be on a plane on my way to England with the most wonderful boy in the world.
Okay, okay, a lot of you boys are extremely awesome as well, and I will miss you muchly, but... you know what I mean, it's smitten talk.
I haven't decided yet whether I am going to be updating this blog. We have another blog that Andrew started called: http://backpackingabout.blogspot.com/
He is posting a lot, I am thinking I might e-mail more as it is more personal and I can say more without feeling on the spot. We'll see.
If you want e-mails which I will be sending out like last year, weekly updates and I'm-not-dead-ates, I would adore your e-mail in the comments. Otherwise, I'll be back in two months, tired, but hopefully travel-worn and satiated for a little while.

I need to eat some breakfast and start my mad dash toward tomorrow, but I shall return, or in James, Tony and Harley's case, I'll be there to visit soon.
James, keep your mind centered and remember, she is not you so she cannot affect you if you don't want her to.
Van, good luck with graduamate school further, I am sorry I didn't get to see you more.
Samanther, I'll be back.
Molly, you're in China. That's freaky.
Sam, just stick it out a little longer, don't let school get you down, and always remember how much you are loved, and admired.
Everyone else, keep your heads up, winter's coming. I'll be back in November, I want to get back and find everyone intact and healthy. For serious.
-teh c

4:57pm: On: The World Through My Eyes
You need to understand. ... I don't buy things for myself. I just don't. It's not that I don't want to support companies because I am a hippie and a realist, and it's not that I don't like shiny new things. In general. I just hate shopping. And I hate owning things which weigh me down. And I hate the feeling I get when I get something just for me. I think it comes from my mom's system of spending money whenever she got depressed. I just didn't like what it did to the family or to her. Debt was/is just another state of existence for her.
That being said, I bought a beeutiful new dress because I fell in love with it and so there. And I got some new shoes, Chaco's specifically, the pretty kind that I have always wanted since I first saw a pair like an million years ago. And I got an MP3 player. It is red and the size of... maybe a flattened nectarine pit. It's tiny. It's called a Stone Plus by Creative. I am in love with it because now that it's charged it seems emphatic to play anything I ask of it. I named it Lyra Lira (Lie-rah Lee-rah) and despite the complete lack of necessity, I am squeaking uncontrollably.
Our plane tickets are almost bought, we have one more outlying factor, and then we jet across the pond.
I feel so... indulgent. I am reading intelligent books which I am in love with (I am not sure why I could not seem to crack Eco, and now I am on my third book of his in two months) I am listening to beautiful music, I have two beautiful jobs, I am crazy in love, I have excellent friends, and... gush.
Just gush.
Several requests for a Soup Day have come in. I am sorry I have been the hugest slacker, I am working around ten hour days which start around 4:30 in the morning, so I get a little wiped. I shall send forth communications to Van promptly:
Van! You wanna do a Soup Day sometime? We could even do it at Chautauqua or at a park if you felt unlike doing it at your house.
Okay, I am to return to playing with my toys and maybe a little sleeping.
Just thought I should imprint a little of me on the internets after a bit of distance.
Until next time, cats and kittens.

EDIT: So... uh... yeah, we just bought plane tickets. We leave Monday the 17th of September at 2:15 and we get back Monday November the 19th at 5:30. I'm only hyperventalating a little, as Andrew alerted me to the fact that he was about to... oh wait, he just hit the purchase button. So... wow. I am going to Europe with the most wonderful man alive. It'll take a few days to process this.
Also, did you know that some airlines let you pick your own seating?!? We just did. This is madness this brave new world I live in.

9:46am: On: Being Busy
I have been working a ridiculous amount at two jobs that I love more than makes sense. I am finding myself in constant supply of the nicest things in life: Friends, sexiness, love, fresh bread, honey, and mead. I am not quite sure how I am containing it all.
I am loving BreadWorks, it is such a wonderful change of pace from Home Instead. I feel vitality and my will to live replenishing.
I love being back in Boulder, closer to so many people I adore.
I love bee keeping and helping Mark with the mead.
I am in love with Andrew a little more every day, and I am afraid that if I'm not careful I might spend the rest of my life with him. (He brought me breakfast in bed today!)
I love planning for my future, even though it's a little scary. I like the idea of feeling like I can do something with myself and not get stuck in a rut.
I love getting a little leaner and a little more muscular every day. I never drive, and all this bike riding is doing exactly what I needed.
I am so excited for this trip Andrew and I are planning, it's unreal.


My heart is full, we need to hang out. You know who you are. I have work for the rest of the week, but we should figure something to do soon.
Okay, I gotta get back to work.
Bread won't  serve itself.
Until next we meet.

11:35am: On: Working
I now have a second job!
I am a front-counter/barista/bread cook/baklava maker at BreadWorks on Broadway. Oddly enough, it's right across the street from where I used to live with Rebecca. But I start at 6:30 in the morning on Monday, then I'll take the bus out to Mark's for bee keeping. I am tremendously excited about this summer. Working sounds utterly fantastical so long as I am doing this. I think it will be hard, but more than triple make up for the ego crunch I received from HomeInstead. SO,
Once I have a rhythm (i.e. mid-way through this week, planning shall ensue.
From exactly where I need to be,
The girl next door.

10:48pm: Oh... Stock Market... I see
Well, it turns out that the stock market is actually a pretty awesome thing when your boyfriend's dad is an expert. So it looks like I may be able to afford to run off to Europe for a couple months after all. This is thrilling. After two years muddling through a half-assed apathetic excuse for an education, I desperately need a break to actually learn something.
It looks at this point like it will be me and Andrew, but on the way, we will meet up with four of my friends, and Andrew's uncle. I am also looking into the possibility of free lodging in Czech with my boss's family.
Also, I figure my bee suit packs up tight enough that I am getting on the feeds for helping with the harvest and late-season beekeeping around. That will probably dictate a lot of where we go. But I figure with the surplus I made this week, I have a plane ticket and a Eurail pass, which is at least the beginnings. Now I need another good week and I've got food and lodging. The world is a happy smiley place right now. All I need to do now is see if there is any way I can get my injections over there so we can stay a full three months. I am due to get it October 12th, but we can't leave until August 20th. Does anyone know about setting up medications abroad? If it weren't an injection this would be a million times easier.
So that's the world.
I am sitting in my lovely Studio apartment with my lovely lover, studying French before I give up my book, and alternately working on my latest design for a pair of pants using some curtains Andrew's mom gave me.

BUT most importantly:
It has come to my attention that get-togethers must be had.
I am thinking a craft's night, wherein we can do projects and chat and be generally good company.
Also a mead tasting night, as we still have yet to do that, and all this mead NEEDs to be gone by August.
A fancy-pants salon or several, also must be had. And it will be required that pinkies remain out at all times.

Also, when Van is better and not full of illness, we shall confir on Soup Day and figure out a good schedule. The summer shall be grand, and ye shalt all bask in it.

9:43am: Hey Boulderitos!
I live in Boulder like............................................ right now!
This is the very most exciting thing. I must say.
The future is hazy, and depends on responses from colleges which are not in any way CSU. I promised I would stay there for two years and get my crap classes out of the way. I did. I am done. Yay.
Our apartment smells like the flowers the former tenants left us. I rode my bike to Target to pick up a shower curtain. Today I need to empty my car of everything I own. And then go job searching. Tomorrow I work at the Farmer's Market. Otherwise, everything is in the air, just the way I like it. Just the right amount of certainty balanced with uncertainty. It will be a good Summer.

12:43pm: On: Being a Grown Up
Sometimes it is so cool to be a grown-up. Not an adult. A grown-up, like all the excited dreams and hopes we had when we were kids. "When I'm a grown-up, I'm going to drive a car, and go out alone at night, and I'm gonna do whatever I want."
This last week has been exactly that.
Last Saturday, we officially found a place to live in Boulder. It's a studio on the East side of CU, it's small, but cozy and cheap, and I really like it. We move in on the fifteenth, but I won't officially be down there until the first of June. The papers are signed, and I am thrilled.
That night, we went to the Decemberists concert. My first concert being 21, I didn't drink, but it was strangely liberating to not have my hand all gaumed on with gross smelling marker that doesn't come off for weeks. They apparently were all sick last time they were in Denver, so they had to make up for it, by playing all the way to curfew. It was incredible. They formed dance circles, interacted with the audience, got us involved in the songs, had us yelling at each other for fun, played almost all of my favorite songs, and left us reeling. I would rate it very close to the They Might Be Giants concert a few years ago. TMBG still wins as my favorite, for a huge amount of reasons, but this was pretty fantastic.
On Wednesday, I saw Jane Goodall at CSU, she was incredible. Inspiring, exciting, wonderful. Here was this wrinkled old woman, her voice a little soft, her posture a little poor, talking about all the amazing things she has done in her life, and all the amazing things still yet to do. I couldn't help but think that there is no point in my reaching her age if I don't have incredible stories to tell and a laugh so infectious as hers.
We also sort of have a cat now. She is technically a stray I think, with war wounds and an attitude, but she's decided to call our apartment home during the days at least. She comes in around eight in the morning, goes through the whole apartment, checking everything out, then curls up next to me or on the couch to sleep. We've named her Squishy and she doesn't meow, she squeaks, and I have the worst cat-crush on her. I want to take her with me forever, but I can only pretend she's really mine. My eyes still swell up if I get any hair in them at all.
And lastly, Andrew is graduating on the 12th and I am going to get to wear my favorite dress and be all girly for a day. I am ridiculously excited about this.
Oh wait! One more thing, Mark called and I am going to be running the Medovina booth at the Farmer's Market on Saturdays! I think he is worried that he's getting too many bee questions with all the popularity in the news, and thought putting me in charge of the booth might be fun for me, where he gets  a little flustered. I think it's in the M.O. for bee keepers kind of tend toward being anti-social, but I play the butterfly card better than he does.
I might post some pictures of Squishy later, just for why nots, but I have final projects to invent right now.
Samantha, I shall be contacting you soon to find out your plans for this Saturday.
Until later, kids.
Colette out

3:01pm: A limitted time offer:
So I've wound up with an extra ticket to see Jane Goodall tonight. It's a free event with the Monfort series, tonight at 7:30. I really don't want this ticket to go without a holder, and it's going to be a really cool lecture. So if anyone anywhere has the means and the desire, you should let me know so that you can join me in watching this fantastic conservationist talk about how she does her thing.

(Boulderites, yes, this is as close as we get to The Conference on World Affaires)
So send me a message if you're interested.

7:45pm: Sigh... For Summer
Andrew and I are coming back to Boulder for the Summer. The hives need me, and I need them, so we will be there around mid-May after Andrew graduates. Of course, though, we have little plan. We will be leaving around mid-August for Europe if all goes according to plan, so we don't need a place for long. If anyone knows a place we could crash in between work and life, I would adore it if you could send me a hint.
Okay, back to work, it is test season, and I can feel the pre-test anxiety attacking.
-C

3:47pm: A Quick Tribute
We raise our glasses today to Kurt Vonnegut, author of 14 books, most dear to my heart Cat's Cradle.
Vonnegut died last night of brain injuries sustained from a fall a couple weeks ago.
He was 84.
In Middle School, a million years ago, his stories became inspiration and the theme song to the most awkward three years of my life. I think Samantha and I scared the life out of more people than we should have.
Around and around and around we spin.
With feet of lead
And wings of tin.
Now back to our regularly scheduled Math class.

5:57pm: On: Easter
Remember when holidays were a big exciting deal, and you got to see your family and get presents and be excited about all the magic in the world that there were days like this?
I do.


I miss feeling like a part of a loving and supportive family. Today was one of those days where the nicest person I talked to was the guy who ran into my car at a red light.
I have to finish copying a Degas, and then start liking myself again.

P.S. I am in love a-gain. Molly curse you, it's Regina Spekter. I dream of Orca whales and owls but I wake up in fear. This is a high point in my existence right now.

P.P.S. Samantha, I adore you, life would be so much crap without you.

EDIT: P.P.P.S. I just got my tickets for The Decemberists Concert on the 22nd. Anyone wanna come with? There'll be music. Surreal, sad, beautiful music.

This is Colette, signing off.

9:30pm: The Story of Rocking My Socks Off
I was alerted to the fact that I have been neglecting this journal. This is true. I apologize, but as I relate the stories of my recent history, I hope you'll forgive me:
Most distant past, I have regained muscle in my belly where the surgery scars are, and the medication has apparently decided to keep my weight mostly steady rather than dramatically change it one way or another which is a huge relief. (I just got a new bee suit, size small) which takes me onto:
Bees. CCD(Colony Collapse Disorder), which is the disease gaining so much popularity lately has been blessedly merciful on my dear colonies. We seem to have only lost four of our 28 colonies, and two of them we were expecting just by the facts of the harsh winter. The other two do appear to have "Collapsed" but they were the only ones, and we are not very concerned about any others. We got away really lucky because Niwot was hit hard. Really hard. The man who lives a few houses down lost ten of his fourteen hives. At the end of last season, I rescued three new colonies which were found abandoned near a burnt out house. They are all Italians, and are the strongest colony we have right now. They built up so much honey, we could barely get the lid off last year, and over the winter, they barely reduced in size at all. I am really excited about integrating those girls with my older colonies, I think they'll be a really good influence.
Also, Mark and I met a few weeks ago and have decided on a plan for the coming season. We are going to start integrating half Africanized queens from the south intentionally into a few of our colonies. Our theory, which was suggested by the last bee keeper's association meeting, is that is might help to strengthen our hives. I think they may have suggested it as a lark as much as anything because the integration does encourage swarming, but I think I'm not as worried as I could be. Which brings me to:
Stress. Among other things, I have finally figured out a good regimen to keep me from having panic attacks despite the intense emotional stress my new job puts on me. I love what I do, working as a caregiver for the elderly, but every Saturday and Sunday morning I spend three hours with a woman with lupus, half a foot from infection, she's had three heart failures, two strokes, her husband and all her friends left her, and she's only 54. She has the most intense depression and she tells me the only light in her week is when I come over to help her. I leave every day carrying what feels like a lead weight from my heart, but I feel good about the work, it's just prematurely aging me to a significant degree.
I am loving life, I get these momentary flashes of: Holy Wow. It is awesome to be me. I am picking up on French unbelievably fast, I am reading a book in French and it's surprisingly easy. Art History has become a passion, but I think I am going to try to integrate Anthro more when I get back,
But first, I am taking off for a little while next August. I get my next injection in July and then I have some time to get away. Andrew and I are moving into Boulder for the Summer, and he's graduating in May. I have finished all my basics classes in all my majors, so I am now free to study at a better school, I just need a break and then I hope to never live in Fort Collins again. It's not the worst place, but the mentality here is oppressive. Boulder is too much as well. We are thinking one of the coasts or maybe Europe.
(either way, I want an invite to your wedding James!)
So that's that. I am planning some kind of future, and the only definites are Andrew, bees and a masters at least preferably a Phd.
But you know, the wind is always changing.
P.S. I have red hair now. Apparently it suits me. I may not let it go right away.

3:48pm: Field Trip!
Hey all!
We are planning an outing for tomorrow/Saturday.
It is FREE day at the Denver Art Museum, and we've been wanting to go for a while. (The last time, it was 2:00 in the morning, my feet hurt, I was tired and I think that this time the angles of the walls might not make me quite so dizzy) also, one of my favorite childhood pieces is back: Linda.
We will be leaving in the morning sometime, and stopping through Boulder to pick some people up, if you would like to be one of those people, you should let me know, we will organize.
Then, we want to come back up for Hapa happyhour. (we're kids on a budget, but I needs sushis)


If you, or any combination thereof would like to join us for both or either, you should reply, or give me a call and I will arrange accordingly.
I am looking, especially at those of you yet to see the new museum, say if you were in Antarctica or something.
I'd love to see you if you are reading this, so lemme know!

4:03pm: Getting in Touch With my Menopausal Self
So I have a job now. I am pretty excited about it actually. I am working for Home Instead Senior Care. I sent in an application on a whim and then a couple nights later my mom called and sheepishly asked if I would be opposed to... everything going back to normal. I sighed, and said no, frankly I just wasn't surprised, so I hung up and called Home Instead and they told me they were just about to call me. I went in for an interview, and they called me the next day to tell me that my background check came back "beautifully" a tribute to my life of stealthy evil-doing. So, as if I didn't have enough to do before, I am now on to more stuff I gots to do in order to be a real productive member of society. I am sorry to everyone I never get to see anyway, but once I have an income, maybe I will be more able to get abouts.
In semi related news, we just got 26 bottles of Mead from all over the world, leftovers from the Mead Festival. There will need to be an ordeal. A party, as some might say. But it depends on schedules and so forth, we will keep them safe until an announcement is made regarding the drinking of it. Andrew and I are not particularly big on getting drunk alone, so we shall need some help.
Bee keeping season is upon us, and I am most psyched, although I will have to interview and hire a new keeper who is taller than me to reach the  highest  hive bodies, but hopefully that won't be too hard. The sleepy-sickness is scaring me a lot though, a couple of keepers in Niwot lost several hives to it. We will have to be vigilant for our bees, and hope they figure out a cure before too long.
Enjoy the sun! I hope it lasts a little while.
-C-lette

9:59am: Forcing an Identity
In French this week, we've been learning that if a person has a profession or an adjective that describes them, then they are just defined with that, no "a". For example, in English, a person is "A professor" but in French they are "professor" and my teacher told us to just think of it as every person is the only person who does exactly what they do. They aren't one of a set, they are: student, and thusly the only student of that kind. This is probably not something which would normally get a person to wax philosophic, but it made me think.
Every person has an identity, usually many, which people associate with them. Sometimes you are even unaware that this definition has been attached to you, but it's there as a part of your own definition as well. So I described my friends in French class. I said: My friend Samantha is writer, and more intelligent than me. I said Mike is religious and less comfortable than me. And then we were supposed to define ourselves, and I said: I am Colette. I am not very athletic. And that was all I could think of.
The night before, we played a game at my friend's house called Imagineiff... where every person is given a new definition like: Imagineiff Colette were a childrens' toy would she be... then a series of toys. Everyone in the circle says which one the person would be and you get points for how many people choose the same thing. I was an Easy-bake Oven and I was baffled as to how. But it was a universal agreement except for me, and everyone was talking about how every time they come over to our house, I cook dinner. Everywhere else, we eat out. This was surprising but I had to agree. Throughout the night, it was like each one of us got to finally realize a part of our identity as seen through the eyes of our friends, and it was almost never the same thing that the person had though of themselves.
So I have been thinking, does your identity change in the eyes of others? Could it be that depending on who knows you and how, you become a different person, at least definitionally?
I thought about the main thing I seem to talk about to people, which is beekeeping, and how wonderful it is, and it's like for the past few months, I have been trying like crazy to try to change my perception of my identity in other people's eyes: crazy girl. I don't want to be that anymore, I don't want to remember the years in high school when I was confused and turned around. I am more stable now than I can ever remember, I have a boy who loves me, friends who care about me without any caveats, and I have a job which I love and feel perfect in. My identity, the way that I define myself has changed dramatically, and it is like I am a whole new person because of it. My wisdom right now: Love your identity, love who you are and others will follow suit. I am so happy to feel that right now. And I am so happy to know people to care about and to learn their identities.
I am Colette. I am bee keeper.

Catch you kids later, I gotta turn in my rent check.

1:35pm: Update is what it is
Hello out there in healthy land! I write from bed.
I have been taking only one Percocet to get me to sleep and Advil every 4 hour hours for pain since yesterday.
They put plastic bandages on the three scars where the incisions were made, one on my left right above the pubis bone, one two inches up and one on/in my belly button. Each incision is about half an inch wide, but the worst thing was that the one over my belly button filled up with blood and itched like crazy. So I just had to do the grossest thing I could think of and remove the bandage to get some air on it. It's been long enough and the nurse said it was okay, but I was unprepared for what I saw.
My belly looks sick. Swelling all on the left side makes me appear lop-sided and wrong, and from my belly button, falling down seemingly is a huge banana bruise which looks a lot like my belly button got sick all over my belly. Sadly, the removal of the bandages has not had the affect I had wanted and I still can't stand upright without pain, but I can sit up now which makes reading and watching movies a lot easier, I can also almost rotate my hips again without intense pain.
Andrew has been incredible in the first few days he had to do more than any boyfriend should expect to do, and although his face did scrunch up when he saw the results of the surgery, he has been incredibly caring and not made me feel personally gross at all. Also, I saw Sam yesterday which was really nice, but made me realize how much more recovery I need. It's been a surprisingly long week. Oh and if anybody called on the fifth, or really at all up until now, I am sorry I can't remember, but I was on some really hardcore stuff to keep me comfortable. If you call again, I will be more coherent.
Lastly, tomorrow I turn 21 and my grandmother has been on my case for the last few weeks that she had two kids already at my age. But I now have pictures of my uterus, ovaries, and internal body cavity, I am thinking that's enough for now. Andrew won't look at the pictures though. He is apparently very shallow and likes me for my outsides not my insides. Oh well.
Thank you guys so much for the support and loving thoughts sent my way. A doctor would say it did nothing medically, but the fact that I am currently sitting upright (A full three days before they thought that would be possible) says otherwise.

EDIT: Upon further inspection, I think they may have sewn my belly button shut a little bit.